Jokes related to my poor English

cydu: Execuse me, could you please tell me how can I get XXX?
San: Baba, baba, baba, ....

cydu: Sorry, can you speak English? I can't speak German.
San: I have been speaking English all the time.

IMO: Chinese guy’s English are much better than European.
Because only Chinese can understand my English.

Cydu: How many languages can you speak?
Helena: 5, English, German, French, Italian and Chinese.
Ivan: only 3, Russian,German and English.
Cydu: 1.5, one Chinese and half English.

San: Dinner? 
Cydu: OK, go!

Cydu: Dinner? 
San: No.
Cydu: Why not?
San: Lunch.

San: How big is your apartment?
Cydu: It's about 70 kilometres.
San: Really?
Cydu: Yes, 70.8 kilometres, it's enough for me.
San: Bigger than the city?
Cydu: Oh, 70 square metres.

Cydu: Why there are so many Holidays in Switzerland?
I really don’t like to **cook myself**.

Bu neng zai shuo le, shuo duo le dou si lei!